Beyond boundaries.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Reality.. or not?

The window pane was fogged up.

I could hear everything so clearly.

Even the softest little things..

The raindrops falling, the wind blowing, the fan spinning, the ants thumping their feets,

the cockroaches running, the leak down the corridor dripping..

I'm tired..

My body is ready for a good rest, but my mind dares not.

I tried to get up, but my legs and hands are betraying me.

So I lay there in the dark.

Crouched up in a ball, staring only at that yellow light above me.

Hoping to dream of rainbows and unicorns, candys and colourful things..

But knowing I will only doze off to a place where horror haunts me everynight,

I'd rather force myself awake.

Strangely, numbers started counting in my head.

1.. 2.. 3..... 12... 21... 24........46....78.....133......582.....1429......

And eventually, it stopped.

Dogs barking piercing through my eardrums.

I try to open my eyes, but I have no vision.

I feel ropes clinching my arms and limbs.

What is happening? where am I?

I hear voices, but I cant catch what their saying.

Everything was too loud.

Banging of some sort, then the sound of an engine... engine...

Engine!

Am I being kidnapped?

I panicked and started screaming when I realized I have no voice either.

What is happening?

Has my eyes and voice box been removed?

Am I being held as hostage?

What else did these people do to me?

Did they harm my family?

Is my mom okay.... is my mom... okay.....

Tears filled my eyes as my heart sank to the bottom of my foot.

And the next thing I knew, I knocked off.

I woke up in a different surrounding.

I moved my body but still, I was anchored, stuck with a stupid knot.

Suddenly, I felt hands touching me.

I struggled to defend myself.
But he kept going.
I feel my clothes being striped off.
My body being exposed.
I knew at that point, there was nothing I could do.
But I didn't give up, I couldn't.. how could I?
I tried screaming but it was no use..
All I could do was keep moving to slow him down.
But that only made him cranky.
He started getting rough on me.
His grip was tight.
It was torture.
My life was worth nothing anymore.
There was no reason for me to live anymore.
The devil was taking over my optimism.
Moreover, my body was shaking.
Weak.
He was enjoying his moment...
I could sense his satisfaction creeping in my body.
As I slowly gotten use to the touching,
He decided to officially steal my virginity.

The pain engulfing my thoughts.

Its like how they describe venom flowing through your veins.
My heart stopped, my body failed.
Tears trailed out from the corner of my eyes.
My mind screaming... screaming...

SCREAMING!
I hear myself screaming!
My hands and feet are moving again.
Breaking myself free from that dreadful scene.
I screamed, and screamed..
then I gradually hear someone saying.
"You're okay... You'll be fine. Everything is going to be okay."
I felt the warmth and the smell of my dear mother.
and I came to my senses.
I am in my room, the lights are on, my clothes soaked in cold sweat..
It was just another nightmare.
Everything is fine now.

But the thought of it.

It was like reality.. only its was not.

or was it...?

xx