Saturday, March 10, 2012
can anyone answer all these questions for me?
If you have allot of time, and you are very bored,
here is something about me.
this is a warning before you start reading,
it may be boring to you, because its all about a little something deep inside me.
read on if you really want to know.
*here goes.
I haven't really notice this, till lately when someone special made it obvious to me.
I am a person who literally thinks allot, like way too much, when i'm alone.
I'll think to the point where i get really emotional.
Emotional over things that i'm not sure of, over things that i don't know of,
over things that hasn't even happen.
I like imagining everything that can never really happen in life, or maybe it could.
But it'll take allot of time and afford, bravery..
maybe even faith?
I need to believe in what i want.
But every time i try to believe, there comes this doubt that it'll never happen.
Sometimes, i really do want to just know.
Is it that little devil on my shoulders that has been implanting these negativeness in my brains?
or is it just an angel trying to say "you stand no chance".
I do really like him, and i don't want to get over him.
I want to get to know him, get close to him.
and NOT try to forget him.
I need progress.
But every time he stands in front of me,
my heart would stop for a moment,
my brain would malfunction,
my body turns cold,
my voice box fails me.
A mini-blackout you could say?
How can i be brave?
I need to, have to, make the first move.
Even though i'd really wish he'd move his feet first.
Every time i see him, millions of questions runs through me.
What does he think of me?
Does he even notice me?
Am i nobody to him?
Will i ever be with him?
Will he ever fall for me?
Are we even friends?
Can we even be friends?
Am i annoying to him?
Am i scaring him?
What am i actually afraid of?
Am i afraid to fall?
Afraid he doesn't like how i look?
Or my personality?
I know my appearance may not be it all.
I am not slim and slender, (not skinny like you, i have a fat lower body)
I may not have the best complexion, (not as good looking as you are)
I may not have big assets, (not like every guys dream)
I'm not smart, (no straight A's)
I don't do well in sports, (you run fast)
my metabolism sucks. ( i cant even run a full field without stopping)
**
By the time you read till here,
you may think i am the most negative person you've ever met.
Well, sometimes?
I do think that he maybe, he does like me but he's also as scared as i am?
aaaaaaaand then there!
at that very moment when i get all relaxed and happy,
comes all the negativeness.
"NAH. IT WILL NEVER BE TRUE".
I'm just thinking of that to calm myself.
***
Dear little devil, sometimes i do wish you'd vanish into thin air and never come crawling back onto my shoulders.
But sometimes i do believe that nobody is perfect.
Everybody has pro's and con's.
maybe you have an ugly side that i haven't found out yet too?
but i don't mind,
cause what i feel inside is something i haven't really felt in quite awhile.
its different this time.
the feeling of love again, you may ask?
i do wonder, why i can never get my mind off you :)
if only you understand how hard is it for me,
JUST TO LIKE YOU.
what does it mean when you smile to me?
what does it mean when every time i try to sneak a peek at you, i find you staring at me?
what does it mean when i finally open my mouth to say Hi to you, you look as if you have something to say to me?
what does it all mean?
Does it even mean anything?
or am i just thinking too much again.
sigh.
Can anyone answer all these questions for me?
